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Don’t Gossip and that’s an Order!

Ronald Reagan once said “I’ve always believed that a lot of troubles in the world would disappear if we were talking TO each other instead of ABOUT each other”
Well someone seems to agree with him and has ordered an end to gossiping at work - A Wall Street Hedge Fund has this week banned its staff from gossiping at work. If they are caught tittle tattling around the office they will be given a WARNING and are likely to be fired on the third occasion.
Will this make their office a happier place to work??

“Did you know that…….?”

We all gossip and trading information can be one way of social networking. It demonstrates that you are “in the loop” and “In the know”. Some psychologists have compared it to grooming in its ability to bond people in a group.
On the other hand, gossip can be destructive and costly if it gets out of hand.

The “Thin veneer of Sociability”

At work (and at home) it’s often the case that we don’t say what we think or feel until it’s too late.
Instead of expressing our dissatisfaction or unhappiness with a person or situation, we HIDE BEHIND A MASK pretending on the surface that all is well.
Rather than finding a way to discuss the issue we resort to destructive behaviour such as:

• Silence – ignoring and avoiding speaking to the other person
• Gossip – talking behind the other person’s back
• Withholding information – that they need
• Sabotaging their work
• Fighting – verbal or physical

A better way

Banning gossip could be just as destructive if genuine issues are forced underground and people resort to other behaviours to express their feelings.
A better way forward would be for the organization to teach its’ staff how to manage conflict constructively. Skills such as:

• Giving and receiving feedback
• Active listening

….and providing a process or system so that staff know how they are expected to deal with issues.

• WHO to talk to
• HOW to provide information
• WHEN it should happen

Banning anything creates an UNDERGROUND movement. Staff need instead to be ENCOURAGED to express their concerns in an open and honest way without fear of punishment or reprisals.
May sound like common sense but it’s not common practice!

A Bit on the Inside

Want to know how a dentist lost 4 patients in 5 mins?

Well here’s a story to make your eyes water……………

A couple of weeks ago my husband Robert paid a visit to the dentist to have a filling replaced.

Sitting in the chair, head tilted back and staring at a ceiling poster of Egyptian rugs designed to distract patients from the work going on in their mouths, he was suddenly jolted back to reality.

“Whoops” said the dentist “Whatever you do don’t swallow” and with that the drill bit which had come loose and fallen into my husbands mouth slid right down the back of his throat and started on a journey through his insides.

“Well that’s never happened before” said the dentist. We’ll have to get you to the hospital and get you x-rayed to make sure that it doesn’t cause any damage.

At the hospital my husband saw the doctor where upon he was informed that there was a real risk that the drill bit might puncture or perforate his intestines on it’s way through and that he should return immediately on feeling any sharp pain or unwell in any way. GULP!

My husband returned to his office having cancelled all his morning appointments, shaken and angry.

He was NOT angry that it happened, and he was NOT angry that his morning was wasted, BUT he was angry that the dentist didn’t seem to care!

She DIDN’T apologise or acknowledge the inconvenience, risk and pain that my husband was experiencing. She DIDN’T follow-up and enquire how the hospital visit went. She DIDN’T check-in later to see if all was well.

She DID however leave her bill on the front desk for my husband to collect on his way to the hospital.

Now if you were the dentist how would you react in this situation? Would you react out of LOVE or FEAR?

My husband’s dentist reacted out of fear. Fear of the consequences of her mistake and possibly of being sued caused her to simply ignore the human dynamics of the situation.

- The result is that she lost 4 patients – our entire family will find another dentist

BUT what if she had reacted out of love? What if she had reached out to my husband and acknowledged the situation that HE was in rather than fearing the situation that SHE was in?

- Then we would have stayed

And all the research shows that patients and clients are far less likely to sue a doctor or other professional that they like and have a good relationship with.

When patients or client feel that they don’t matter and that you don’t care, they will vote with their feet and go elsewhere.

3 Hot Tips to Avoid Bedlam on the Beach

The sun is shining and it’s almost time to head off on your annual vacation. I bet you can’t wait to exchange your smart suit for a pair of shorts or a bikini and take that long awaited break from office life?

Will you come back rested, refreshed and relaxed or grumpy, grouchy and grumbling!

If you are about to holiday with family and friends or take a solo break you will already have created in your mind a vision of your time away but what if it doesn’t live up to your expectations? Will your holiday be ruined and your relationships strained?

Here are 3 HOT TIPS to help you to avoid Bedlam on the Beach

1. Expect the unexpected
2. Check what others want and need
3. Keep cool and breathe

Expect the unexpected

No matter how hard you try to have a perfect life it just doesn’t work that way! It’s the same with vacations. Stuff always happens. The plane is delayed, you lose your phone, someone is sick, the food is awful, the sun doesn’t shine.

All conflict springs from differing expectations. In short, things did not turn out as we wanted them to and we are hurt, confused, angry, or simply puzzled.

It is the way we EXPRESS our dissatisfaction that causes us problems.

How do you show that you are unhappy with someone or something? Do you sulk and retreat into your shell and expect them to guess something is wrong? Do you get angry and shout?

If you refuse to speak to your partner or end up shouting at the waiter, your holiday is sure to be ruined before it’s begun.

So the key is to expect the unexpected and have a plan to deal with it.

Take some delicious snacks and books or CDs to manage airport delays. Be prepared to change your plans to deal with last minute crisis.

Check what others want and need

Guess what? Your vision of the perfect break may be totally different from the others in your group.

The biggest problems arise when we make ASSUMPTIONS as to what other people want and need.

It is true to that “Whatever is unspoken is the hardest to change”

If you are expecting to spend your days on the golf course and your partner is looking forward to touring in a car or lying on the beach.

The easiest thing to do is to share what you want and need from this break and to check with all the others what they want and need too.

If there are big differences you will have to find a compromise but it’s so much easier to do this in advance that to deal with the fall-out when you arrive.

Keep cool and breath

I things do go wrong and you get stressed the best thing to do is try and keep you cool and calm those around you – but HOW?

One of the things we forget to do when we are in a highly stressful situation is to BREATH. When we are stressed we tend to take short, rapid breaths which leave us short of the right balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide. Your brain requires the right amount of oxygen and carbon dioxide for clear thinking. Rapid breathing can make you feel even more agitated and in the long term can contribute to other issues such as digestive problems and even a lowered resistance to infections such as colds and flu. The best tip to calm you down is to become AWARE of your breathing and to concentrate on making your breaths calmer and slower. The following steps may help:

• Tell yourself to STOP and SLOW down
• Breathe in slowly through your nose
• Then pause for a second or two
• Let the air out S-L-O-W-L-Y (this helps retain carbon-dioxide your natural tranquilliser)
• As you exhale relax the tension in your muscles - especially in your shoulders and face

Practising the calming breath can also have a knock-on calming effect on those around you!

Practise these 3 tips and while you will not avoid the inevitable crisis that arise from moving ourselves and our families to live in another space for a while, you will be well equipped to prevent it from ruining that much needed break.

I wish you all a wonderful and relaxing summer!